1. Can you conceptualize what is Gender Neutral Parenting?
Gender Neutral Parenting (GNP) is a parenting philosophy that seeks to raise kids without the strict cultural rules that come with gender. The goal is not to create gender neutral children but for children to be able to find their own comfort-spot on the continuum on gender expression without the external pressures associated with the gender binary. For example, allowing boys the freedom to explore play with dolls or dressing up as a princess or allowing girls to explore traditionally male roles. The basis behind the philosophy is that the concept of gender is a cultural construct - that is, it is only minimally innate from our DNA but largely a conditioned response taught by our environment. This false dicotomy of "girl" things and "boy" things forces people to identify with their gender in a negative way. E.g. being "male" is more about NOT doing "girl" things than about a natural expression of personal masculinity. The benefits of GNP are both personal - a child has freedom to explore their own gender identity without shame - and societal - children learn that gender can be fluid and a person's value is not defined by their gender expression. This makes the world a safer place for gender non-conforming individuals, trans* individuals, and others by breaking down the barriers that gender expression rules creates.
2. What is the best and the worse about GNP?
The hardest thing about GNP is the misconceptions that exist. It is often mis-understood to be about gender neutral children instead of gender neutral parenting. Since GNP is about providing freedom for gender exploration that means that forbidding a gender-conforming activity is just as damaging as forbidding a gender non-conforming activity. So, for example, traditional parenting says to discourage your girls from getting dirty playing ball - GNP would reject this and allow the child to do what they enjoy. At the same time if a girl wants to wear princess dresses and play with dolls that would also not be discouraged, allowing the child to do what they enjoy without shame.
For me the best part of GNP is that it will make the world a more tolerant place. Much talk about GNP centers around trans* kids or gender non-conforming kids (previously "tomboys" and "sissy boys") and, of course, GNP will help these children immeseaurably. The vast majority of kids, however, will naturally align with socially-approved gender roles and gender advocacy often forgets these kids. GNP benefits kids that are gender-conforming as much as gender non-conforming because they learn that gender is their choice and not a strict rule system imposed on them. As a result they grow up with greater tolerance for gender variances and thereby reduced sexism, homophobia, transphobia, and general intolerance for differences amongst people. In this way, I feel GNP is less about gender and more about creating a more diverse and tolerant world.
3. Will GNP make my children gay?
Many organizations, such as Focus on the Family, specifically conflate gender-bending behavior in children as “signs of pre-homosexuality” and recommend interventions to promote “gender-proper” behaviors.
Reality: Most ongoing research points to a strong genetic component to homosexuality. Therefore, being gay is not something a parent can “train” a child to be. Even children raised by lesbian mothers or gay fathers aren’t more likely to be gay themselves. A child’s sexual orientation will be what it will be. Nothing a parent does will change that.
GNP will not influence their final sexual preferences but it can have a profound effect on how traumatizing their upbringing is. A child with the freedom to choose their own comfort level on the gender spectrum and the sexuality spectrum will be less likely to be crushed under parental expectations that conflict with their inner life.
The whole point of GNP is that sex – e.g. the assignment at birth based on external genitalia – should not dictate “allowable” behaviors. If you like pink tutus, you should be able to like them with acceptance regardless of your sex.
According to TransActive, 85% of gender nonconforming children/youth are cisgender and identify as heterosexual in adulthood. So, you heard it here. Johnny (or Beckett) wearing nail polish will not make him gay.
4. Brazilian culture sexualize boys and girls since early years (pop culture, dressing, dirty words and behavior). How do you think GNP can help this kind of culture?
By not enforcing these rules in the kids' environment parents can expand the view of gender they get from the outside world. However, we can't and wouldn't want to shelter kids from the realities of sexism in our society. As kids get older GNP helps parents navigate the difficult conversations that arise around sexualization and sexism in media. The goal isn't to shelter kids from reality but help them learn to be savvy consumers of media that question the sexist status quo and formulate their own ideas through critical thinking. One of the worries people sometimes express about GNP is that kids will grow up and be awkward adults because they won't fit in with others in their own gender. I say GOOD! GNP raises adults that say "why can't I like ___ just because I'm a girl/boy" instead of "I better pretend to like ___ so everyone will think I'm normal." As more people stop conforming to the rules then our media will follow suit (slowly of course) and the next generation will have a wider view of gender in which to live and so on with each subsequent generation.
5. What is the difference between the GNP created by feminists in 1970, and the GNP new version, that ''hits'' 2012?
In the early 1970 there was a brief time when androgyny was seen as desirable. This stemmed from early research about the cultural influence of gender. It goes back to the nature vs. nurture debate. When science first recognized that nurture (i.e. the environment) played a much larger role than previously suspected some took that to its extreme to mean that without the environmental influence there would be no gender. In subsequent years science has found that gender, as with much of human development, is an intricate dance between nature (our DNA) and nurture (our environment). With this new knowledge we can separate what is a culturally constructed "rule" for gender and what is a true gender difference. For example, science has shown that male babies are fussier. They are slightly less developed and take longer to have a stable sleep pattern. This is an example of a very small "nature" difference between the sexes. Possibly because of their fussiness plus social expectations parents inadvertently react to their male child's tears differently beginning the life-long rule that boys don't cry. This is a large "nurture" difference that grows between the sexes. With this knowledge we can be aware of this implicit sexism in parenting and compensate. Another example is that girls are less physical. Research has shown very little difference between baby girls and baby boy in physical ability but found a much larger difference between how often parents caution their girls to be careful vs. boys. This external "nurture" snowballs into girls that aren't as daring in sports not because of anything written into their DNA but because they've been conditioned by their environment. You can read my article here for more detail on some of the fascinating research: http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/11/gnp-avoid-implicit-sexism/
My point is, as we've learned more about the basis of gender differences we've adjusted our understanding of gender neutral parenting. We no longer seek androgyny which would need to be enforced as externally as traditional gender roles in favor of a more diverse and varied access to gender roles so kids can find their own sweet spot on the continuum.
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