My kids ares ages 6, 4, and 2. We are an attachment parenting family and I have a very close, connected relationship with all my children. Sometimes the kids get along in a beautiful, harmonious way - other times they are at war.
My older two kids fight frequently - lots of hitting. This is very painful for me to have to witness. I feel very angry when I see them hurt each other. However, I do my best to stay calm and loving. We used to do time outs when they hit. However, we stopped time outs and similar consequences about 1 year ago. Since that time, after hitting, we engage them in discussion about why it is not OK to hurt eachother and we go through conflict resolution process that is based on non-violent communication. In addition, we ask the hurter to help the hurtee in some way.
It seems that no matter what I try, they still hit.I really need some advice here!
(from Facebook) ...in the same boat...I'd love some help too....the only thing that seems to help so far...is when all parties have settled down...I do a "debriefing"...and talk about why the situation upsets me...and what the better way is to handle it...it's not a 100% fix...but it's one thing that works...I just have trouble with stopping the process without yelling/screaming...it's so hard to get their attention...sometimes I feel like a whistle and clipboard might be the next step
ReplyDelete(from Facebook) sounds like you have done what you can do. Perhaps this is something they will just have to learn on their own. My children are now adults, over 30, and 2 aren't even speaking to each other. It IS painful for parents. Unfortunately, violence is so much a part of our society, whether it is violence of words, actions or thoughts. Keep doing what you have been doing to change it!
ReplyDelete(from Facebook) Separate planned activities. Role model outside the situation. "in this house we do not touch each other with anger or with intention to harm" the end. Hopefully this is helpful. I also have battling boys 18 months and almost 3
ReplyDelete(from Facebook) An amazing philosophy is Hand in Hand Parenting (www.handinhandparenting.org). My husband and I took one of their courses calls No More Hitting and was very helpful - especially in how parents react vs respond. We only have one son so I don't have the experience of constant battle between siblings but have been able to consciously guide him and his friends during conflicts. That have awesome articles on siblings and insightful booklets for tools and tips. Hope this helps.
ReplyDelete(Jennifer from Facebook) I'm wondering if there is something you can do to prevent to fights before they get there? I know if I haven't had enough one on one time with my oldest, then she resents and therefore picks on her little sister. Not sure how much time you have for that, but maybe try upping the individual attention. Sounds like you are handling things well when they do get ugly.- Jennifer
ReplyDelete(from Facebook) Naomi Aldort has some good videos on YouTube on this topic. Check them out, I found them really helpful. She suggests that sibling fights happen usually when parents leave the kids alone together for too long, so first step (once comforting the hit child) is to apologise for leaving them too long. She suggests it's often the hitter who needs love & connection the most. Instead of time out, time in is good. You're actually with them then & can help them regain some equilibrium.
ReplyDelete