Gentle Discipline: Love, Respect, and Cooperation

[box type="box" width="600" template="drop-shadow perspective" align="left" color="yellow"]This post was originally published during the 2011 Carnival of Gentle Discipline. The 2012 Carnival of Gentle Discipline is right around the corner! Click here for more information.[/box]First up is Dionna of Code Name Mama‘s follow-up from yesterday’s post about cooperation.  In Working Toward Cooperation she give examples of ways to model cooperation from [amazon_link id="1892005220" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]Respectful Parents Respectful Kids’s[/amazon_link]  7 Keys to Cooperation and give several examples.  This one rang so true for me,

• “I am finishing a blog post, and Kieran asks me to play with him. I tell him “not right now.” Over the next twenty minutes, Kieran and I frustrate each other, because neither of us is willing to budge on what we want to do (I want to finish writing, he wants to play right now).


• Alternative that facilitates cooperation (Keys 2, 6, & 7): There are several ways I can handle this particular scenario (and I’m sure you have something similar in your own life – a work project, a task you need to regularly complete, etc.). Right now I am trying to create a time to do my work when Kieran is otherwise occupied. But in those moments when I really do need to work while Kieran is awake, I’m also using this as a time to encourage independent play. “Kieran, let’s start playing trains together.” When he is fully engrossed in trains, “Mama needs to do about 30 minutes of work. While you play with your trains, I will work in the next room. Where are you going to have your trains go? Who are they carrying?” etc. This is especially important to me, because Kieran has always balked at independent play, and I am going to need him to be more confident in this area when I have a newborn to parent as well.”

This is such and area I need growth in and you can bet I’ll be working these 7 keys into my repertoire soon!

I love Nada’s post at MiniMOMist; Loving Through Tantrums because she paints a picture beautifully.  She also describes so well how tantrums are not always something that we can or should stop.  Sometimes our kids need parented through them with understanding.

• “Gentle discipline in our home conveys love and patience.  It recognizes her opinions and her resistances.  She has the right to say when she is unhappy and wants a change in the situation.  However, when her wants and needs are not in her best interest, we, as the adults and the parents, gently sooth her and explain the situation and why it must take place this way.  We tell her that we have her best interests in heart, and that sometimes that doesn’t mean we let her do what she wants.”

Finally, Natural Parents Network talks about Loving Them Consistently, Just As They Are and the trap of showing love for our kids only when they “behave” or are convenient to us.

• “As parents, it is sometimes easy to fall into the trap of seeing our children as just that: children. It often makes them seem like a “thing,” a possession. With that perspective, as our children grow and become older we get confused when our “thing” won’t behave as we want or be who we want them to be anymore. However, when we see our children as individuals, when we love them consistently for who they are, with their own opinions, perspectives, and reactions to the life they live, we get to experience their joys, frustrations, and in-betweens alongside them. We no longer want to control who they are, but allow who they are to shine through.”

And isn’t that the heart of Love? Respect, patience, cooperation. Unconditionally.

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