Thursday, March 8, 2012
4 year old needing help with things she used to do on her own
My almost 4 year old is reverting back to needing help with everything, things she was doing just a couple of months ago (getting dressed, wiping after the potty, buckling in the car seat). She refuses and wants me to do it for her. I'm sure it's an attention/jealousy of the baby sister thing and I thought we were doing pretty well with that. But I guess not, Ideas?
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My thought is that a child that has been doing good with the "jealousy of sibling" thing can suddenly have a reversal. I know I've seen this with my own daughter who suddenly likes to make loud noises at the table like her (1 year old) brothers. I'm handling it in 3 ways: 1. just reminding myself that this too will pass. 2. Spending quality time with just her. 3. I think it can backfire to point out that she shouldn't be needing help because she is a big girl but I do think that pointing out all the big girl things she does can help.
ReplyDeleteFor example, I wouldn't say "you don't need help dressing you're a big girl" instead I would just help her get dressed. Then later in the day if she did something like buckle herself in you could say "You must be so proud to buckle your own seat! I bet Lexi can't wait to be like you one day!" That takes the focus of what she should do and reminds her that it is fun to be the big girl!
Also, take a deep breath and remember one day when you try to help her she's going to say "omg, MOM, just stop it!" lol. Enjoy it now! :)
(from FB) Does it bother you? Or have other people remarked on it and that is what is bothering you? I think there are two approaches really (I've got 3 kids so been through this twice). You can either decide this is fine and go with it and work her through the stage that way. She will very quickly remember that your love for her is true and consistent and that she hasn't lost anything by having a baby sister. This is really what this is about, as I'm sure you know, and she's just seeking reassurance from this. That you are still there for her.
ReplyDeleteOr you can gently but firmly say that you aren't going to do these things. That baby sister is helpless and cannot do these things even if you wanted her to, where as big sister is a big girl and capable of all sorts. And by doing these things, she frees you up. So you could say "right, you get dressed, I'm going to change baby's nappy and then we can xyz (insert something your 4 year old really likes doing)" and point out that if you have to stop to get your dd1 dressed then you don't have that extra time to fit in something. Doesn't have to big and you aren't exactly bribing/only rewarding for her carrying out the action but you are giving her a good reason to go and do it.
Depends on her personality as to which approach will work best. Hang in there because it won't last forever.
(from fb) Humor her... don't get upset or emotional. She may be ABLE to do those things on her but obviously is not capable right now (emotionally) and needs that from you. I understand how frustrating it is to help someone you know is able... but it will save you a lot of heartache and fighting in the longrun. :)
ReplyDelete(from fb) think it is swings and roundabouts. My dd1 especially, when dd2 was born, liked being reminded about being a big girl and I tried to find some things that she'd not been previously allowed to do - like certain helping in the kitchen or whatever - and letting her do those as a positive of not "being the baby" anymore.
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