Paradigm Shifts in Gentle Parenting

Welcome to day 2 of the carnival!  Take a moment to check out yesterday's wonderful posts.  Today we are continuing to look at some of the basic principles of gentle discipline.  Specifically these posts focused on compassion, cooperation, and empathy three words that are so important in gentle parenting.

First up we have Dr. Laura Markham @AhaParenting.com talking about When Empathy Doesn't "Work".  I know, for me, that empathy seemed too good to be true as a panacea for all my difficult situations.  It just couldn't work as well as people said!  Dr. Laura points out,

When parents begin using gentle guidance, they're often amazed by how well empathy "works" to calm their child. For most people, just having our views and feelings acknowledged makes us feel better, so we're more cooperative. So once parents get past their fear of "agreeing" with their child's "negative emotions" they quickly learn to empathize when their child is having a hard time.

She goes on to talk about some of the concerns parents raise about using empathy.

A lot of her answers are a change of paradigm; of living in harmony and respect with your children.  Our next author Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children talks about this topic of consensual living in One Size Doesn't Fit All.

One of the biggest hang-ups about consensual living I hear from parents is that there is no cut and dry answer. There isn't a pre-set formula which says that the child did X so the parent must do Y. Differing from traditional authoritarian parenting, when an infraction by the child must result in a punishment by the parent, consensual living challenges the parent to observe what happened, communicate with the child, and work with the child to find a solution which is acceptable to all. For those of us who grew up with traditional American dogma concerning the treatment of children, it can be a siwtch in thinking.

A Teachable Mom also looks at this difference from mainstream thoughts on parenting in To me, Gentle Discipline Means...  She shares several great concepts (nurture YOU!) but I really loved this;

Gentle Parenting to me means choices. When I am able to take a deep breath before I respond to my kids, I find I have more choices in how I interact with them. You’d think breathing would be an easy task, given that I’m presumably doing it regularly. You’d be wrong! When something isn’t going my way or is different from my plan, my typical reaction is to control, not breathe; tighten, not soften. When I’m able to remember to breathe, slow down and be gentle with myself, I tend to enjoy family interactions more. I’m guessing my kids do too!

Yesterday Practical OH Mommy talked about her beginnings in gentle parenting.  In today's post she talks about the concepts that rang most true with her in the early days.  I really loved what she had to say about the importance of play in So You're Thinking of Trying a Different Way?;

This is hard for me, because I’m a planner. I know how many things are on my to do list and just how much time there is to do them. And I work 40-50 hours a week outside of the home, want to feed them nutritious meals, keep things neat and tidy, spend quality time with my husband, etc. So, I had to add “playtime” to the top of my to do list every day. Selfishly, I find that when we get in a few good giggles together, it’s not so difficult when I do have to herd out the door, etc. And I can certainly tell by the behavior I get back from my kids if they’ve had their quota of funtime with Mom and Dad that week or not.

Can you relate?

Lastly for today we have Momma On a Mission reminding us that Kids Are People Too!  Her post is one of my favorite ways of getting back on track with gentle parenting - thinking "what would I do with another adult in this situation?"  Usually that makes they way we treat kids seem ridiculous by comparison!

Just put yourself in their shoes, and ask yourself what you could do to help your child make a transition, or to help them accept doing something that's necessary but not particularly pleasant. When you do have to impose something on them, try to remember to empathyze with them and validate their feelings. These principles have gone a long way in helping me build my relationships with my kids, and it feels really good when we work together towards something that we can all be happy about.

I think that Dionna Ford of Code Name: Mama's new book For My Children is a great way to connect with your child in this way.  The book itself is so beautiful with adorable art throughout but more importantly really poignant questions and journaling prompts that go far beyond the average baby book.  For example; "What do you value most about your children?" and "What moments have made you most proud of your child?"  I guarantee this type of reflection will help you remember to have empathy and respect for the unique people your children are.

[box type="box" width="400" template="drop-shadow lifted"  color="magenta"]You can win one of three copies of For My Children by Dionna Ford of Code Name: Mama.   Click here to enter to win an art print and other prizes[/box]

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Please join us all week, June 25-June30, 2012, as we explore the world of gentle, effective parenting.  We have new posts each day by talented authors providing us with insight into why gentle parenting is worth your time and how to implement it on a daily basis.  

We are also giving away several parenting book and other goodies from our sponsors this week.  Please stop by and enter to win!

This year's beautiful motherhood artwork is by Patchwork Family Art. Visit the store to see all her work.

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