- “Language is one of our most powerful tools. We can speak words of love or words of hatred. How we speak to our children becomes part of the foundation on which they build their lives. Fill them with loving, positive, empowering words and they have a platform on which to build confidence, self esteem, motivation and self love.”
What we need to do is reframe our language to ask for what we do want instead of what we don’t.
- “TRY THIS: Instead of saying ‘Don’t make a mess’ try ‘let’s tidy your room.’”
Mrs. Green’s post is chock full of specific advice and how to implement it. This is literally advice you can implement today! What are you waiting for?
Pearl in Oyster builds on this idea through correcting negative behavior by showing what they *can* do instead of enacting arbitrary consequences and punishment. In her post, Rubber Meets the Road, she says,
- I don’t believe that punishment (doing something TO C as a negative reinforcement with the purpose of making her hurt or feel bad about what she has done/said with the intention that she might then avoid doing whatever it was again) ever needs to be one of my tools.
Instead she uses playful parenting, scripting, and do overs.
- What I can do at this point is teach her to redirect the aggressive energy she feels into a more socially acceptable channel.
I don’t want to give it away but you have to hear her very practical examples! She also addresses the difference between time-out and, what I call time-in. Once again – very applicable techniques you can add to your gentle repertoire today.
The Hippie Housewife continues with her post Gentle Discipline for Toddlers where she shares her top 5 tips for toddlerhood. Her first tip “Don’t take it too seriously” has invaluable advice for parents struggling with the sometimes frustrating job of parenting toddlers,
- Take a deep breath. This is just a stage; it will pass. They shriek because they can’t talk. They melt down because they don’t know what else to do with these huge feelings. They persist because they want what they want and don’t yet have the developmental ability to reason much beyond that. The more worked up you get, the more they feed off of your negative energy, so take that deep breath and stay calm.
Amen! I know this will be my new mantra to help me center in moments of frustration. Click over to read her other wonderful tips.
Lastly, Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now talks about an oft puzzling aspect of parenting – the negative effects of praise and rewards – and how Montessori approaches the issue.
- As a matter of fact, telling our children how smart and talented they are can create the opposite of what we want. It can make our children afraid to attempt new things, afraid of failure, afraid to not meet everyone’s expectations. What does the research suggest? When we praise, it’s best for the praise to be related to the effort our children made. For praise to be effective, it also needs to be specific and sincere.
She provides 5 specific tools that Montessorians use to meet this goal that we can all start using.
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I hope this first day of the Carnival gave you some practical techniques that will help you practice parenting gently. If you have questions about specific issues, please submit your Question here!
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